Relationships

Easter weekend was sort of disappointing, not because of the Holiday itself, it would have been a disappointing weekend no matter what, but because my boyfriend of 9 years and I had a bit of a falling out. He was supposed to go with me to my sisters house and spend time with our now 6 year old. But because of bad feelings between him and my oldest daughter, he opted out. I knew we would be at my sisters past 7pm, so I told him to stay at his place and I would spend the night at his place. That was fine until I mentioned what time I would be there, then he did an about face and told me to stay home, he didn't want company. I told him to call or text me when he got over it, he said he wouldn't get over it. I asked what he meant by it because for awhile in our relationship, that was his way of saying he wanted to end it, I wanted to know if that is what he meant. I didn't get an answer, until this morning, when he texted as usual, like nothing was ever wrong. Though I did notice he didn't call or text as much as usual. On the one hand, I do love him and I am sure he does love me. On the other hand, the baggage he carries from his failed marriage (she cheated on him, got pregnant by the other guy, then kicked him out with nothing but his clothes.) is really wearing on me. He won't commit to living together for fear of it happening again and I really do want for us to live together. I am NOT anything like his ex! But I feel I am too old to start another relationship. I know I am only 43, but I am not into the bars or clubs or chat lines. Even if I was, those aren't really places to find a relationship kind of guy. Church activities seem to only draw the elderly guys, and while I do like older guys, I don't want one who is past 65. I won't consider younger guys because I want a relationship based on something more than sex. I've even considered my ex-husband, but then the reason I divorced him always pops into my head, though I'm getting to the point where I could almost over look those reasons (he's an alcoholic, he expected me to do everything: cook, clean, take care of the kids, draw his bath for him, wash his hair, even when I was working a full time job!! He didn't want just a wife, he wanted a mother!!!) So any way, I feel like I want my boyfriend to get over the past and quit protecting himself as if I was like his ex-wife, or just end the relationship with me (or I will), but I don't want to be alone when my children are all grown and on their own. I am not a very social person, I prefer to stay home most of the time, or to travel. I don't like going out to bars, or hanging out at someone else's house, I don't like large groups of people. I get along well with other people, I just prefer a few close friends rather than many friends, especially as I get older. I don't even like to hang out at my oldest daughter's house.

So, that's my weekend. Oh, I all most forgot to mention the great weather! 84 on Saturday, about 74 today..... OH AND LEAVES APPEARING ON THE TREES!!!!! YAY!!!!!